do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
