I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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