Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize
