he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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