Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I have post one night stand depression
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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