I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
