I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
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