Someone shit on the floor
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
