Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
