Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Randomize
