it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
love makes seman taste better
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Randomize
