You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I could make wine with my vomit
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
