I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
