I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize