her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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