okay pat passed out under dana's car
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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