I am puke
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
