no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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