your parents love me but you hate me
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Randomize
