I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Its about making memories worth repressing
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
