i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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