That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
