You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
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