i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
