somebody snuck up and got me drunk
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
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That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
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