girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Randomize
