If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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