I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
