I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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