My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
