Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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