I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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