This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
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He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
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I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize