At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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