i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
