My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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