got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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