It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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