The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Randomize
