Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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