I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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