my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
25 People Reveal The Creepiest Kids They Went to School With
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.