Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Don't tell me you're on acid again