He uses pillows to masturbate.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...