what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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