Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
