you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I think your dad took our porno
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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