Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
