I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
