He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
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we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
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I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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