How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize