RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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