a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
