i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
no more duck duck goose at the bar
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
