I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
