I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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