Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
Randomize
