I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
