I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
