Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
