i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
