I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
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