Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Randomize
