I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
