just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
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