I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
