so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
