So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
