well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
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